Brandon is 11!

 What a week this has been. I had so much to do to catch up from Christmas and then I got asked to substitute Monday morning for a few hours. It was for one of my favorite teachers so I couldn't say no. As it turned out she has a teaching apprentice so she did all of the teaching and I just supported. During recess I made friends with a kid who was kind of just standing around by himself but was willing to walk the track with me so that helped us both stay warm because it was barely warm enough for us to be able to go out. I got home and did so much laundry and ironing and made a grocery list and taught a bunch of piano lessons and tried to get my house clean. It seriously feels like a never ending task and I have to often take deep breaths and tell myself that it is okay that my windows are so gross and the baseboards so dirty and my kitchen floor and cabinets always have stuff on them and the counters and things are dusty and then I have five other people leaving their stuff around and I am just never going to have a clean house. In January I always want to go room by room and deep clean it but there never seems to be enough time for that; maybe I'll set a goal to do a room a week but wouldn't it be nice to have everything clean at once? #lifegoal.

Tuesday was a good Inklings discussion and then I went grocery shopping and taught more piano lessons, Wednesday was the gym and more grocery shopping and more piano and then Thursday I had really wanted to go to the temple but Brandon's teacher asked me for help so I went in and made copies for her. 

Friday was the first day I had time to myself without any outside obligations in a month so I took it slow in the morning but then I took some time to ponder and pray about some things and it ended up being a very emotional day for me. I went for a walk and worked out some hurt feelings with two people that I had been harboring for a long time. I had received a prompting in the temple that I needed to apologize to one person and it was honestly so awkward and uncomfortable but I did it and now I feel like I can go back to the temple. It had been nagging me but I prayed for courage and got it done. One person was pretty receptive and one was just kind of like, whatever, but I feel lighter and am thrilled to have already made progress on my goal to let go. I made a list of relationships that cause me anxiety or stress when I think about them and then also thought of some behaviors and expectations that I need to let go and I am going to work on them one by one. I have been listening to my friend Elizabeth's podcast about communication and that has been helping me to realize some important things like feelings are not facts and what are my hidden commitments that get in the way of my goals and the importance of being direct and clear; it has been helpful. 

Then yesterday we got to celebrate our boy! Brandon turned 11 and we tried to celebrate as best we could. It started with an 8:30 am basketball game that was seriously way too intense for 5-6th graders. The other teams' parents were yelling, coaching, complaining about the refs the whole game and it was so annoying. Brandon's team hasn't lost yet and this team was good so it was a battle and really tested the kids and emotions were running a bit high because the other team hasn't lost yet this season either. At the end of the game we were tied so it went into overtime but after that two minutes it was still tied and we were delaying the other games so they called it a tie. I was actually so grateful because the kids just needed to calm down and the parents needed to quiet down. Plus we had plans so we had to get moving. 

We went to IHOP for breakfast and then home to meet up with Brandon's friends. Once they were all here we went to the bowling alley on base and I was so happy when we walked in and there were plenty of lanes. Then the lady told me they were all reserved until 5:30pm. I had thought about making a reservation but Josh had said he would call and then I looked online and so maybe he thought I was going to call but either way, no bowling for us. It was super disappointing but the boys really rolled with it and I was proud of them all. We went to church and Lily came and helped us set up a laser tag arena in the gym. We put out stacks of chairs and tables to hide behind and we brought my star maker light and turned off the gym ones and turned on some cool music and let them run around and shoot at each other for two hours. It was a bit challenging because we could only find two of our four laser tag guns so we threw in some nerf guns and worked around it as best we could. They were good sports about it and had a lot of fun but I felt like such a failure of a birthday mom. I should have made bowling reservations and I should have looked for the laser tag guns before we were walking out the door. I also should have brought some snacks. I just have not felt like myself for weeks; just fuzzy brained and tired and not able to get motivated and excited about things. Plus I knew I was missing an amazing women's conference so I was trying not to be sad about that all day because the reason I missed it was to be with Brandon and celebrate with him, not be grumpy. 

 

Anyway, then we went and got some Crumbl cookies (each boy got to pick one) and they came here to eat and open presents and play until parents came to get them. Once they went home we had chicken Alfredo (with Michelle's delicious sauce) and homemade bread sticks and then Brandon took the official Harry Pottery sorting test. I told my children they had to be 11 for it be official. We've always thought Brandon was a Hufflepuff though; a sweet, nice kid like him seems very Hufflepuff, plus his favorite color is yellow, but the official test says he is a Ravenclaw. I could tell he was disappointed so we took a few more and out of three, two said Ravenclaw and one said Hufflepuff. I told him the sorting hat takes into consideration what you want and if he wants to be Hufflepuff, he can be. :) Then he opened his presents (a new baseball glove, a table top pinball machine, a new game, some books, a minions sweatshirt and Legos) and he was very excited about it all. I also got him a small karaoke speaker with two microphones and so later he and I checked that out and it was so fun. All of my other kids are grumpy about singing but I'm hoping to save him. :) Lily made a delicious brownie, Oreo, peanut butter trifle and I found some candles I had in the cupboard that I had bought awhile ago. I didn't even look at them but turns out they were trick ones so the candles kept re-lighting and it was very funny. Then we watched some home videos of little Brandon. He was so adorable! We all shared at dinner what we love about Brandon and we said that we love his love of sports, what a good friend he is, that he is a good companion, that he is fun to be with, that he is easy-going and generally happy and pleasant. I'm so grateful for this sweet boy of mine. I had a very distinct impression when he was a baby that this boy was going to bring a lot of joy into my life and he already has done so. He is quiet and funny and kind and he is very good at expressing gratitude. 

 

 

Church today was pretty good. I had to play for a special musical number and somehow we got a bit off from each other so I don't feel like I played very well and probably just validated all of the reasons why she asked Johnna first and not me. But Johnna was speaking so I was better than nothing but she didn't smile at me afterwards and so in my mind she is disappointed in me but I am trying to fight off those feelings of not being enough (one of my let gos). I am a very reliable person; I am almost always at church and come to everything and I'm almost never sick so I am dependable and willing--but not as good as Johnna. I didn't love the song and it was a busy week so I just didn't feel confident in it either and we only ran through it twice before church. My prayer is always that people feel the spirit though and my playing doesn't distract at all so my kids said it sounded fine (I don't totally trust them) so hopefully that is what happened but I just feel bleh about it--talks were good today though and Curtis blessed the sacrament for the first time and that was  a sweet moment. Then my primary lesson felt a bit frantic. The time goes by so fast and we have some very chatty girls now and I probably need to be a bit more organized with them because I have to totally know what I'm doing or they will get me off track too, but I think I got to make the two most important points and they shared some sweet things.