Week 38

 I already wrote about the first half of this week so I'll keep this short. Friday was a horrible day. They happen and I have moved on but I was in a very cranky, frustrated mood and my younger two were being difficult about school and my house was a mess and I just feel so out of control of my life. Josh has been so busy with work and church that we have hardly had time to talk this week and I was feeling very alone and unsupported and annoyed. It all kind of came to a head when Brandon was whining about a school assignment and I just lost it. I told him he could figure it out himself and I put on shoes and left my house. I ended up walking around my neighborhood twice just crying, feeling overwhelmed with what is expected of me right now. I'm going to chalk some of this up to the fact that I was on my cycle but sometimes life just explodes and so I walked to calm down. Even when I came back to my house I hid in the back yard on a bench just sitting quietly and praying before I felt ready to come back in. Although then I just went upstairs and read a book for awhile because I still wasn't quite sure I was ready to talk to my kids.

I realized that at least some of the problem was that I hadn't been doing a good job of praying. I pray with my family and over meals but at night I have been struggling because I just haven't wanted to talk to anyone and deal with all these emotions and mostly I just say a short prayer, usually for others, without really expressing my heart to my father in heaven. I did that while walking and felt the need to repent and do better about connecting. I finally talked to Brandon and he apologized and we hugged it out for a good 10 minutes. Lily was an angel child and helped him finish his work and then took Emma and Brandon out to play. Later we took her to dance, went to the library and BJs, had dinner and then Josh and I finally got to talk and hang out together. He has had some really hard days too and we're both grateful this week is behind us.

Saturday we had a lovely family breakfast (my favorite time of the week), the kids each had two cleaning jobs, Josh put up our outside lights and I cleaned up the flower gardens, we watched the Rockette's Christmas Special and a food network show called Candyland that was okay, then we got pizza and watched a  very frustrating BYU football game. Emma and Brandon had a fun zoom birthday party and it was just a fun, relaxed day that was also very productive. My very favorite kind! 

Today has already been a lovely Sabbath day. Our Sunday school class was good and we zoomed in for sacrament meeting and it was such a wonderful fast and testimony meeting. Having smaller groups of our ward meeting together means that we are hearing from people that often don't choose to participate and I love it. We're going to watch one of the choir's Christmas concerts this afternoon and Lily and Emma are currently making Christmas cards for a nursing home and hopefully Josh will be home any minute so that we can take the sacrament before all of his meetings. I am making a copy cat Cafe Rio recipe today and am really excited for dinner so life is on the upswing and I'm so grateful for weekends! 

Tomorrow the drywall guy is coming to fix our basement wall so we'll be one step closer to having our basement back--yipppeee!