Physically

The last of my four happiness goals was a physical goal to exercise every day for a week. I definitely put this one off. I am not happy with my body right now and feel very frustrated with two things in particular, one which I feel I have control over and one which I don't so instead of wallowing like I usually do, it was time to focus on what I could do to be more healthy. I have only ever exercised in order to lose weight but tried to shift my focus to exercising to be healthy and feel good, whether I lose weight or not. I enjoy volleyball and swimming and bike riding and try to take walks with the kids regularly but nothing is consistent enough or easy to do with kids and my schedule so this goal was really one of prioritization and an effort to not be lazy or make excuses. 

I was moderately successful. Monday I went for a walk while pushing my two kids in the stroller, Tuesday I did my elliptical machine, and Wednesday I did laps at the pool. Thursday and Friday were both very busy days and unless canning peaches for hours on end counts as exercise, I missed those two days. Saturday I managed to do another half hour on the elliptical though so I was feeling pretty good about exercising four days out of six.

Then I weighed myself, just out of curiosity, and was so disheartened that I actually gained weight during the week. Now this was fundamentally against my goal to exercise just to be healthy and not worry about my weight but I am having a hard time separating the two. Exercising takes effort and sacrifice and uses up valuable time and therefore I feel it needs to have a result and losing a few tenths of a pound would have been a nice result. Unfortunately, that was not the case and suddenly I felt like a failure.

But backing up the pity train, I realized that I had been pretty successful in meeting my originally stated goal. I didn't manage it every day like I had hoped but four out of six days is four days I wouldn't have exercised without the goal. I decided to extend this goal and make it a top priority in my life. I want to not hate myself every morning when I get dressed or be embarrassed by every picture. I know I'll have to be more careful about what I eat too to make that totally successful but this month, I'm going to focus on exercise and getting fit. I've always had a hard time being disciplined in my eating habits so I'm hoping working on discipline in another area will help me carry that over in time. 

Yesterday I took action and went to the gym with a friend to try out a spin class. I'm not a social exerciser but there were no mirrors and the lights were dim so that worked for me. It was just music and a bike and a teacher giving instructions and being encouraging. I liked it and have decided to join the gym. I am going to go at least twice a week to a class and then do my elliptical or a walk on another day. I'm excited to spend more time with my friend and feel good about how I'm taking care of my body. I hope my kids like the play area and that I can see some small results to keep me going over the next few weeks.  The tough part will come when I have to say no to other potentially fun outings in order to prioritize exercising but I'm hoping that I can be tough enough and committed enough to do it. 

So did this goal help make me happier? My answer is not yet. I felt good doing the exercise but it was too short-term to make much of a difference in my happiness, which is why I am going to continue on with it. Hopefully by this time next month I'll be feeling better about myself, both because I'm healthier and taking control of my body issues, but also because I will have greater self-discipline.

I think what I have learned most throughout these past few weeks is that acting, not just being acted upon, is a link to happiness. Choosing to make a change and having the ability to make that change is the link between all of my happiness goals. There is hope and happiness in trying to be a better parent, trying to be smarter, trying to make new friends and trying to be more healthy. Happiness is related to being our best selves, which happens one step or goal at a time. 

I've hard a hard time maintaining my piano practicing, poetry reading and singing to my children when annoyed. I'm sure keeping better track would have helped but I got so focused on my new goal, it was hard to be concerned with the previous one. However, I've decided to keep the main idea of my goals and try different things each week. Next week I'll find another way to try and be a better parent and maybe pick a new skill to learn to work my brain the week afterwards, all while continuing on the uphill battle of finding my best self and enjoying the happiness that comes along the way.