Last week of summer

 It has been an up and down kind of week. Monday we went school supply shopping, which I was very nervous about it since I put it off for so long but we got everything we needed in two stores. Then Brandon and Emma got to go to Petra's pool party and it was nice to have them out of the house for a bit. I went grocery shopping and did laundry and then it was Curtis's first baseball practice. Lily is such a great babysitter and I sat at practice and read. It was the most relaxing part of my day and Lily had dinner made when we got home. She is such a sweetheart and I am so grateful for her. Josh worked late most of the week trying to catch up from vacation.

Tuesday I cut the grass and the kids all cleaned their bathrooms and it was a bring order back to the house kind of day. I really had to get after one of my children who groans every time I ask this child to do anything. I've learned I have no tolerance for laziness, either at home or at school, or ingratitude. To me, being lazy at home and not willing to help out is a symptom of not being grateful enough for what we have or for me and what I do for them already. That night I took Brandon to his first baseball practice and again, I just sat there and read. It was so nice and I finally finished our book club book, which I didn't love. Brandon, however, loves baseball and was just the cutest little slugger. 

Wednesday Lily was gone all day on the temple trip and she had a great experience. I'm so grateful for youth leaders who drove her all the way to the Raleigh temple so she could serve and be in the temple. She has now been three times to three different temples. It is always fun to go with friends though and she had a great day. I taught piano lessons and then the Wiests stayed and came to the pool with us. We were there for almost five hours and it was fun. Then we ran home, I took a quick shower, grabbed a snack and we were off in less than 25 minutes to Curtis's baseball practice. I'm not a fan of how every night we have practice at 5:30 with some kid because it really messes up dinner. Some nights we ate early, most we ate later but that meant it was 8pm before we were done. That isn't going to fly once school starts and then we'll have dance on top of it. At least baseball is short-lived and my boys love it and it is so good for them so I'll just be creative in my meal planning and hope everyone gets food at some point. 

 

Thursday was so busy with school open houses. Lily's was in the morning then the elementary kids were in the afternoon and then we went to the library and then I took Brandon to baseball while Josh took Curtis to his open house. I really like all the teachers that I met and I'm very optimistic that my kids are going to have a great year. I'm really nervous about the schedule and getting up early and keeping track of everything but once we get going, the routine will become normal and I'll be fine. It's just the initial start that makes me anxious. 

Friday I had asked the kids what they wanted to do on their last day before school. I said we could go to Six Flags or the pool or the beach or on any adventure they were up for on their last day of summer and they all said they were just too tired and they wanted a lazy day. That was fine with me since we have had a very busy and fun summer so it was a do what you want day (following family rules of course). We watched some friends in the morning but after that the kids were on their own for the day, which for my kids means they watched TV. Unlimited screen time, even if just for one day a year, is Emma's dream come true. She watched two Barbie movies and a whole bunch of other Disney shows for a total of almost seven hours straight. The others played with friends, had plenty of screen time but also read and played. I read my book and called my sister and enjoyed the time to myself. Being a lazy parent would be so easy! I took Curtis to baseball and Josh met me there after work so we could talk and then we got pizza and came home for dinner. 

Saturday we went to a ward hike, which meant I was walking by myself most of the time, but it was nice to see a few people, even if it was as they biked or ran past me. Everyone could kind of do what they wanted on the trail but it meant we weren't really together at all. But it was a beautiful day and a nice walk and we did see a few people. Then we came home to clean up and then we went to the pool for the first time as a family all summer. It was really nice to have everyone together. Then I took the girls to the dance store for what they needed, Josh took the boys to Dicks to figure out some baseball stuff and then we had a quiet evening.  We've been watching Behind the Attraction on disney plus and it has been so fun and really makes me want to go back!

It has been an emotional week for me. I have a friend who is dying of cancer and every time I think of her my heart breaks a little. She is the same age as my big sister and reminds me so much of my sister; she loves to make fun of me and we've always had a very sisterly relationship. I'm really going to miss her and feel so sad for her family and our ward family. I haven't had the courage to go visit her yet because I don't know that I could keep it together but I've watched kids for other people who have gone to visit her and I hope that is meaningful. I had sent her a text just a week or so ago and she didn't respond but her husband did, telling me she appreciated it but was too weak to respond. It is just so sad. 

I've also felt such a disconnection from people, mostly just from not spending time together over the past 18 months, but my heart was also broken by some people who just weren't there for me, or who didn't seem to care about me or need me anymore. It felt like most of my friendships were one-sided and why was I pouring my heart into a friend who didn't actually care about me back? I am normally a very loyal and devoted friend and I felt that slipping this year. I didn't reach out the way I normally do because I just felt so betrayed and unappreciated and like I didn't matter to most of the people around me. I recognized these bitter and upset feelings months ago and have been praying for the Savior to heal my heart and slowly, ever so slowly, I have been feeling better. There are still a few people I can't even look in the eye because they hurt my feelings so deeply, but today as I was leading the music in church and looking out in the congregation, I felt a softening and a desire to put things right. I don't know how yet but I know the atonement of Jesus Christ is real and that He is the Great Healer and can cleanse my heart of my hurt feelings and allow me to forgive and move on. 

The kids start school tomorrow and we are all nervous and excited. It was a good last week of summer, although not the relaxing week I had imagined, but we are ready for dance and baseball and school and my piano lessons to all start. I'm excited to have some time during the day to myself and I'm excited for the kids to be with friends and learning and having their own unique experiences.