I'm Back! (sort of)
It has been awhile and I've decided to re-brand my blog. I'm going to use it more like a journal, as I suppose they were originally intended. No more writing thoughtful, feeling-based posts that I hope will mean something to someone. Now you're just going to get my thoughts and feelings straight up. Starting with a quick rant on moving.
(I wrote this a few weeks ago and got interrupted) One of my very good friends moved this week and it was so sad. I know I will see her again because she moved to Orlando and I like to frequent Orlando as much as possible. But still, it is different. We have been having pretty much monthly dinners for 9 years. We've been a part of the every day of each other's lives and living somewhere else takes away that part of the relationship. I also found out this week that another one of my very good friends, and my daughter's very best friend, are moving in a few months. This was devastating to me because I will miss her but now I have to watch my daughter be super sad too. At least she isn't choosing to go; it is a military move. Everyone else that has left us has been by choice and it makes me feel lonely and sad. Even my in-laws are retiring and choosing to move farther away from us.
Back to real time. Now I have mixed up feelings about Facebook. I like that I am "connected" to friends from years past but I'm realizing more and more that it isn't a real connection. I think it is a way to make people feel connected but falsely so that you don't actually make time for the real deal. I was just looking at a friend's pictures and suddenly I realized her husband wasn't in any of them while they were on a big trip. She and I were friends back when I was first married and haven't really talked since college days but by doing some Facebook research, I'm guessing she and her husband are divorced and it made me so sad. If we were really friends, I would know the story and actually be connected to her life but I'm not and now I'm just sad for her with no way to deal with these feelings. I can't write her and ask what happened and I can't reach out because what if it was years ago and nothing real gets posted on Facebook so here we are in this fake world of "connection" that really just means I kind of know about people but I don't actually know people.
Next random thought is about where I live. I live in a rural-ish place and there are times when I really like it. It is especially beautiful in the summer when we can enjoy all of the little beaches on the river and go kayaking and swim in the pool and everything is so green. I love being so close to the water and just a few hours from the ocean, which I absolutely love. I like being close-ish to a big city (wish the airport was closer!) but the people are so nice here and I love our community. I like that there are a lot of nerdy engineers and plane buffs and military personnel who love our country. With so many people moving away it does make me wonder if I am happy here. I mean, yes, I would love to live on the beach somewhere but for right now, this is a really good place for my kids. They are happy, have a good school to attend, have good friends, a wonderful church family, love swimming and kayaking and going to air shows, and they love the beach. They have a yard to play in and space to ride their bikes and a safe neighborhood to explore. Does that mean we wouldn't be happier somewhere else? It is hard to say. I know there are lots of places where I don't want to live but just because I am happy here doesn't mean I would choose it above all else. But it has a wonderful charm about it.
Somehow though whenever we have people come visit, I feel like they are unimpressed and don't enjoy coming to see me because there isn't much to do. Maybe that is my own insecurity talking but it is definitely a quieter life here and yet an hour drive takes you to to D.C., two hours to Baltimore and only four to NYC. We have great weather, I think we're far enough south that people are nice but not far enough that we see confederate flags (which I think are ridiculous; the union won, people!), we're surrounded by water and historical sites and it is a very family-oriented place. I love my dentist and my daughter's dance studio but not my doctor. We are far from the airport, there is no place to play when it is cold outside (not even a mall!) and all of our county attractions are pretty small time. I love big cities and could probably be happier somewhere else, but I feel very content with my life here. I don't know if that is good or bad and I wish I wouldn't get so defensive when people tell me they would never live here but it is hurtful. Is there any place that would be perfect for me, my husband and my children? I really don't know so I guess we'll just keep making the best of where we are and enjoying all it has to offer, whether anyone comes to visit or not.
(I wrote this a few weeks ago and got interrupted) One of my very good friends moved this week and it was so sad. I know I will see her again because she moved to Orlando and I like to frequent Orlando as much as possible. But still, it is different. We have been having pretty much monthly dinners for 9 years. We've been a part of the every day of each other's lives and living somewhere else takes away that part of the relationship. I also found out this week that another one of my very good friends, and my daughter's very best friend, are moving in a few months. This was devastating to me because I will miss her but now I have to watch my daughter be super sad too. At least she isn't choosing to go; it is a military move. Everyone else that has left us has been by choice and it makes me feel lonely and sad. Even my in-laws are retiring and choosing to move farther away from us.
Back to real time. Now I have mixed up feelings about Facebook. I like that I am "connected" to friends from years past but I'm realizing more and more that it isn't a real connection. I think it is a way to make people feel connected but falsely so that you don't actually make time for the real deal. I was just looking at a friend's pictures and suddenly I realized her husband wasn't in any of them while they were on a big trip. She and I were friends back when I was first married and haven't really talked since college days but by doing some Facebook research, I'm guessing she and her husband are divorced and it made me so sad. If we were really friends, I would know the story and actually be connected to her life but I'm not and now I'm just sad for her with no way to deal with these feelings. I can't write her and ask what happened and I can't reach out because what if it was years ago and nothing real gets posted on Facebook so here we are in this fake world of "connection" that really just means I kind of know about people but I don't actually know people.
Next random thought is about where I live. I live in a rural-ish place and there are times when I really like it. It is especially beautiful in the summer when we can enjoy all of the little beaches on the river and go kayaking and swim in the pool and everything is so green. I love being so close to the water and just a few hours from the ocean, which I absolutely love. I like being close-ish to a big city (wish the airport was closer!) but the people are so nice here and I love our community. I like that there are a lot of nerdy engineers and plane buffs and military personnel who love our country. With so many people moving away it does make me wonder if I am happy here. I mean, yes, I would love to live on the beach somewhere but for right now, this is a really good place for my kids. They are happy, have a good school to attend, have good friends, a wonderful church family, love swimming and kayaking and going to air shows, and they love the beach. They have a yard to play in and space to ride their bikes and a safe neighborhood to explore. Does that mean we wouldn't be happier somewhere else? It is hard to say. I know there are lots of places where I don't want to live but just because I am happy here doesn't mean I would choose it above all else. But it has a wonderful charm about it.
Somehow though whenever we have people come visit, I feel like they are unimpressed and don't enjoy coming to see me because there isn't much to do. Maybe that is my own insecurity talking but it is definitely a quieter life here and yet an hour drive takes you to to D.C., two hours to Baltimore and only four to NYC. We have great weather, I think we're far enough south that people are nice but not far enough that we see confederate flags (which I think are ridiculous; the union won, people!), we're surrounded by water and historical sites and it is a very family-oriented place. I love my dentist and my daughter's dance studio but not my doctor. We are far from the airport, there is no place to play when it is cold outside (not even a mall!) and all of our county attractions are pretty small time. I love big cities and could probably be happier somewhere else, but I feel very content with my life here. I don't know if that is good or bad and I wish I wouldn't get so defensive when people tell me they would never live here but it is hurtful. Is there any place that would be perfect for me, my husband and my children? I really don't know so I guess we'll just keep making the best of where we are and enjoying all it has to offer, whether anyone comes to visit or not.
YAY!!! We like it here because our families are here, and our friends are amazing. And there is a target. Mostly I just want to have some people I love around... and a target. ;)
ReplyDeleteWell-stated my friend! I don't think there is any perfect solution, at least I know there is not for me. Southern Maryland has a lot to offer and we already miss it there!
ReplyDelete