6 Month Update
My husband has now been the bishop of our congregation for six months and thirteen days. People have just barely stopped asking me what it is like to be a bishop's wife and I don't think I have ever answered the question well because it is a complicated response.
First off, it is challenging, and more so than I expected it to be. Perhaps pridefully, I thought when he got called that I was totally ready for this challenge and could handle it. My dad was a bishop and stake president from the time I can remember until I was in high school and my mom never complained or seemed bothered about him being gone so much. I figured I could easily follow her good example and do the same. I am now more humble in realizing that I can't handle the increased burden of parenthood on my own well. It isn't even just the physicality of getting them where they need to go but also the emotional stress of being the only one who is there to handle all disputes, break downs, complaining and mediating. Our marriage has always been so even in how we divide parenting and home responsibilities and the shift in that has been a bit more overwhelming than I expected it to be.
The most difficult part, however, has been the change in how we communicate. A bishop is privy to sensitive information about our church members, information that is not appropriate for me to know. I can appreciate that and respect that, but it still bothers me that there is a wall between us now. We have always been excellent communicators and we tell each other everything about our day and what we're thinking. It is hard for me to know that he is thinking about a difficult situation and can't talk about it with me or when he is preoccupied or emotionally "busy" because he is now connected to a lot of other people. It makes me feel left out and it can be a disappointing feeling to have. I think he is doing his very best to include me and make me feel loved and appreciated but there are just challenges that we don't share now and I am working on adjusting.
We have been promised over and over again that there will be blessings. I was having a hard time seeing those blessings and feeling like I probably wouldn't see them for years to come. But just this week I had a really special experience with my two older kids and I was so overwhelmed with love for them and their goodness. They are exceptionally good kids and I couldn't help but feel that is a direct blessing for our family's willingness to serve the Lord. I have also learned empathy, even just in our marriage. It is easy to see my burden and my difficulty and then I have gone to share it with my husband and he has more than once gotten teary and admitted how heavy the weight is on him to do well at work and do so much at church and be a good dad. It is a lot and I have learned to realize his struggle is greater and I can be more empathetic and not always just worrying about my self but try to be a support and help to him as much as I can.
One of the blessings I noticed just today was how the man I already adored and thought the world of is becoming even better. He had to give a talk on a difficult subject today and all weekend he was praying and studying and preparing. I watched in awe today as he shared what needed to be said in a kind, loving, heart-felt, sensitive and very articulate way. He has always been a good speaker but I saw that magnified today and realized that by sharing him so much with the Lord, I was getting an ever better husband back.
I had a complete meltdown when talking with my dad and sister recently and since then, I have felt strengthened. I am sure they are praying for me in a more specific way since that talk and I have felt a difference. I have stayed more calm, I have felt more love for my children, I have been anxious about busy days but not completely stressed. It is still difficult to sacrifice so much time and sleep and emotional energy for both me, and especially my husband, as he cares for and leads our ward family (with exceptional help), but I feel that I am starting to settle into this role and responsibility. Doing what the Lord asks of us is not usually an easy thing and I am grateful that He is helping me be up to the task and increasing my capability as I keep trying my best.
First off, it is challenging, and more so than I expected it to be. Perhaps pridefully, I thought when he got called that I was totally ready for this challenge and could handle it. My dad was a bishop and stake president from the time I can remember until I was in high school and my mom never complained or seemed bothered about him being gone so much. I figured I could easily follow her good example and do the same. I am now more humble in realizing that I can't handle the increased burden of parenthood on my own well. It isn't even just the physicality of getting them where they need to go but also the emotional stress of being the only one who is there to handle all disputes, break downs, complaining and mediating. Our marriage has always been so even in how we divide parenting and home responsibilities and the shift in that has been a bit more overwhelming than I expected it to be.
The most difficult part, however, has been the change in how we communicate. A bishop is privy to sensitive information about our church members, information that is not appropriate for me to know. I can appreciate that and respect that, but it still bothers me that there is a wall between us now. We have always been excellent communicators and we tell each other everything about our day and what we're thinking. It is hard for me to know that he is thinking about a difficult situation and can't talk about it with me or when he is preoccupied or emotionally "busy" because he is now connected to a lot of other people. It makes me feel left out and it can be a disappointing feeling to have. I think he is doing his very best to include me and make me feel loved and appreciated but there are just challenges that we don't share now and I am working on adjusting.
We have been promised over and over again that there will be blessings. I was having a hard time seeing those blessings and feeling like I probably wouldn't see them for years to come. But just this week I had a really special experience with my two older kids and I was so overwhelmed with love for them and their goodness. They are exceptionally good kids and I couldn't help but feel that is a direct blessing for our family's willingness to serve the Lord. I have also learned empathy, even just in our marriage. It is easy to see my burden and my difficulty and then I have gone to share it with my husband and he has more than once gotten teary and admitted how heavy the weight is on him to do well at work and do so much at church and be a good dad. It is a lot and I have learned to realize his struggle is greater and I can be more empathetic and not always just worrying about my self but try to be a support and help to him as much as I can.
One of the blessings I noticed just today was how the man I already adored and thought the world of is becoming even better. He had to give a talk on a difficult subject today and all weekend he was praying and studying and preparing. I watched in awe today as he shared what needed to be said in a kind, loving, heart-felt, sensitive and very articulate way. He has always been a good speaker but I saw that magnified today and realized that by sharing him so much with the Lord, I was getting an ever better husband back.
I had a complete meltdown when talking with my dad and sister recently and since then, I have felt strengthened. I am sure they are praying for me in a more specific way since that talk and I have felt a difference. I have stayed more calm, I have felt more love for my children, I have been anxious about busy days but not completely stressed. It is still difficult to sacrifice so much time and sleep and emotional energy for both me, and especially my husband, as he cares for and leads our ward family (with exceptional help), but I feel that I am starting to settle into this role and responsibility. Doing what the Lord asks of us is not usually an easy thing and I am grateful that He is helping me be up to the task and increasing my capability as I keep trying my best.
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