Disappointed
My second grader is a great speller. He rarely did any practicing for his spelling tests and maybe missed five words total for the year. When he came home with a paper saying there was going to be a class spelling bee and then the top four spellers would go on a grade-wide spelling bee, I was excited for him and expected him to do well. I didn't push it or want to put any pressure on him and we had a busy weekend so it was just three days beforehand that I suggested we go through the long practice list that had been sent home. Each day we had to go over an entire front and back of words in order to go over all of them in time. As it turned out, we didn't make it to the last three columns but I figured he knew the majority and would be fine.
I anxiously waited for him by the door that day and when he walked in I excitedly asked him how it went. That was when he burst into tears and said he misspelled the very first word. He said it was one of the few on the last page that we hadn't had time to review, and as it turned out it was a pretty tough word for the very first one in the bee, but I tried not to dwell on that. I felt badly that he was so disappointed but didn't appreciate how he was blaming me for not having the time to review all of the words. I tried to explain that if it was important to him to do well then we should have started reviewing the words the very day the list came home. He could have studied them on his own or asked his big sister to help him. I was really disappointed for him too but think it was an important life lesson to learn and hope next time he works harder to make sure he succeeds.
Learning to deal with disappointment is a challenge but it is such a needful skill. Some people choose not to ever have expectations and are therefore never disappointed but I seem to have the opposite problem, so I've had lots of practice at getting over disappointment. It can be disappointing when friends don't show up to support you, when kids make bad choices, when the swimsuit you bought online doesn't fit, when a dinner you make doesn't taste good or when you have to throw out $15 of strawberries because you got sick and didn't make jam and they all went moldy.
Last night my husband was supposed to come home from a work trip and today was supposed to be a relaxing day spent together. We've had very little of that lately and I was really looking forward to having him around and not being rushed or stressed about work or church. Then his flight last night got cancelled and so he was going to fly home early this morning. Then that flight got cancelled and here we are in the late afternoon and he still isn't home, although thankfully he is finally on a plane. It was a huge disappointment to lose our day together but there was nothing to be done about it except move on. Forgetting about it or just not thinking about what was lost is my top way of dealing with disappointment. I have to focus on what is happening and not what I wish was happening. It takes conscious effort and often a purposeful decision to accept the new circumstances and make the best of them.
Emotional disappointment can be a bit tougher though. There have been times I've invited friends to certain things and no one shows up. It can be hurtful and seem like no one cares.That disappointment takes a bit more effort to let go of and forgive and not allow those hurt feelings to turn into anger or grudges or unkindness, but it can be done and should be done. Harboring disappointment for others will only create barriers in a relationship and make it impossible to feel safe or comfortable with each other because you're so worried about letting the other person down that you can't be yourself. We're going to disappoint our friends and family and it is important to be as forgiving of that as we hope they will be to us when we mess up.
Disappointment is such a natural feeling but it can be so destructive and it is important to process it, express it in an appropriate way if necessary, and then let it go. The only way it can be positive is when it encourages us to do better and be better, like I hope it does for my son. I hope he remembers how crummy it felt to fail and next time he puts in the time and effort it takes to succeed. I also remember how the idea of disappointing my parents often kept me from making poor decisions. All I would have to think about was how disappointed my parents would be if they could see me in a certain situation and it was enough to get me out of there or keep me from it all together.
A favorite of mine, Gordon B. Hinckley, said, "Don't get discouraged. Things will work out." He also said, "Don't be gloomy. Do no dwell on unkind things. Stop seeking out storms and enjoy more fully the sunlight. Even if you are not happy, put a smile on your face. 'Accentuate the positive.' Look a little deeper for the good. Go forward in life with a twinkle in your eye and a smile on your face, with great and strong purpose in your heart. Love life." I think an important part of being able to follow his counsel is dealing with disappointment instead of dwelling on it and letting it go so that we can enjoy the sunshine. Or the rain, if it happens to rain on a Saturday when you're supposed to be outside doing something fun.
I anxiously waited for him by the door that day and when he walked in I excitedly asked him how it went. That was when he burst into tears and said he misspelled the very first word. He said it was one of the few on the last page that we hadn't had time to review, and as it turned out it was a pretty tough word for the very first one in the bee, but I tried not to dwell on that. I felt badly that he was so disappointed but didn't appreciate how he was blaming me for not having the time to review all of the words. I tried to explain that if it was important to him to do well then we should have started reviewing the words the very day the list came home. He could have studied them on his own or asked his big sister to help him. I was really disappointed for him too but think it was an important life lesson to learn and hope next time he works harder to make sure he succeeds.
Learning to deal with disappointment is a challenge but it is such a needful skill. Some people choose not to ever have expectations and are therefore never disappointed but I seem to have the opposite problem, so I've had lots of practice at getting over disappointment. It can be disappointing when friends don't show up to support you, when kids make bad choices, when the swimsuit you bought online doesn't fit, when a dinner you make doesn't taste good or when you have to throw out $15 of strawberries because you got sick and didn't make jam and they all went moldy.
Last night my husband was supposed to come home from a work trip and today was supposed to be a relaxing day spent together. We've had very little of that lately and I was really looking forward to having him around and not being rushed or stressed about work or church. Then his flight last night got cancelled and so he was going to fly home early this morning. Then that flight got cancelled and here we are in the late afternoon and he still isn't home, although thankfully he is finally on a plane. It was a huge disappointment to lose our day together but there was nothing to be done about it except move on. Forgetting about it or just not thinking about what was lost is my top way of dealing with disappointment. I have to focus on what is happening and not what I wish was happening. It takes conscious effort and often a purposeful decision to accept the new circumstances and make the best of them.
Emotional disappointment can be a bit tougher though. There have been times I've invited friends to certain things and no one shows up. It can be hurtful and seem like no one cares.That disappointment takes a bit more effort to let go of and forgive and not allow those hurt feelings to turn into anger or grudges or unkindness, but it can be done and should be done. Harboring disappointment for others will only create barriers in a relationship and make it impossible to feel safe or comfortable with each other because you're so worried about letting the other person down that you can't be yourself. We're going to disappoint our friends and family and it is important to be as forgiving of that as we hope they will be to us when we mess up.
Disappointment is such a natural feeling but it can be so destructive and it is important to process it, express it in an appropriate way if necessary, and then let it go. The only way it can be positive is when it encourages us to do better and be better, like I hope it does for my son. I hope he remembers how crummy it felt to fail and next time he puts in the time and effort it takes to succeed. I also remember how the idea of disappointing my parents often kept me from making poor decisions. All I would have to think about was how disappointed my parents would be if they could see me in a certain situation and it was enough to get me out of there or keep me from it all together.
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