Love
When I was younger, my dad gave each of us five girls a special name which he felt reflected one of our natural traits. I was named his daughter of love and there were many occasions where he would take us all out for a special dinner and present each of his daughters with a special award, which was a very kind letter sharing his feelings and love for us. I remember those as special times and always liking that love was my special gift.
Last night I attended a church women's activity where we discussed the five love languages. It was wonderfully done and while I was familiar with the book and ideas therein, it was a good reminder that there are different ways to show love and all of them are important. My love language is dominantly time. To me, if you love me then you want to spend time with me, and I feel loved when people make that effort. I don't like forcing it though; I like knowing that you want to be with me or it doesn't feel genuine. When I don't get to spend time with my husband or when we don't have quality family time, I get grumpy. It is a top priority in our family to have date night and family outings or even just relaxed family time at home because that is how I survive.
My husband's top love language is touch, which is pretty typical, but his very close second is time so we balance each other well there, and touch is actually my second one. Snuggling and intimacy and hugs and holding hands and having his arm around me and even wrestling is all wonderful. During one of our better wrestling matches I actually flipped him off of the bed and he hurt his toe pretty badly on the wall. I would have felt bad if I had not felt so triumphant. We've mellowed a bit as we've gotten older but I still get quite a thrill from shoving him off of the bed unexpectedly.
Acts of service is another wonderful love language and one that I think I have developed more as I've gotten older and busier in mom life. When one of my kids actually does something to help out or is thoughtful or does anything to show appreciation, I am over the moon happy. I have a sister that this is definitely her love language and I learned quickly that when I'm at her house, I need to be helpful in the kitchen. I like having people talk to me while I cook because we're spending time together but she likes help with the task at hand so I have to be more aware and make the effort to speak her language.
Another love language is telling, or words of affirmation. It is always nice to hear an I love you, or any compliment. On Sunday I was asked to sub for our organist at church, to which I agreed, but then I had little time to practice. I used to be the organist so I thought I would be fine but I hadn't even played the piano in awhile and was rusty and it showed in my playing. I was sitting at the organ playing postlude music and thinking how terribly I had played and was feeling so frustrated with myself when a sister came up to me and thanked me for sharing my talent with our ward. She said she plays a mean chopsticks but really appreciated my willingness to play and bless everyone. I was so touched by her compliment and the timing of it. Maybe it was because I played less than perfect that she felt the need to reassure me or maybe she didn't even notice but those words of affirmation did my heart some serious good and I was so grateful for her taking the time to say them to me.
Lastly is the giving of gifts. Some people just really love receiving gifts as a token that someone was thinking of them and loves them. This one is not one I feel strongly about at all. I love surprises and thoughtful gifts but in general they don't make me feel super loved. I have some close friends who are this way though and one of them is always sending me random things that made her think of me. Just two days ago I got a calendar in the mail from her and every day is a holiday because she knows how much I love celebrating holidays. So sweet and thoughtful and since that his her love language, it is often how she reaches out and loves others.
I think it is so important to understand our spouse especially but our children, friends, and those we visit and take care of through our church service can feel greater love from us as we take the time to understand how they most feel and recognize it. No need to waste money on flowers if all your wife wants is for your to make dinner sometimes or instead of just telling him you love him, sit down and hold his hand while you watch a movie together. I love helping others feel loved and I'm so grateful when it comes back to me in return. Maybe that is part of why my dad picked my name but it is also something I'm always working on because if there is anything this world needs more of I think it is love.
Last night I attended a church women's activity where we discussed the five love languages. It was wonderfully done and while I was familiar with the book and ideas therein, it was a good reminder that there are different ways to show love and all of them are important. My love language is dominantly time. To me, if you love me then you want to spend time with me, and I feel loved when people make that effort. I don't like forcing it though; I like knowing that you want to be with me or it doesn't feel genuine. When I don't get to spend time with my husband or when we don't have quality family time, I get grumpy. It is a top priority in our family to have date night and family outings or even just relaxed family time at home because that is how I survive.
My husband's top love language is touch, which is pretty typical, but his very close second is time so we balance each other well there, and touch is actually my second one. Snuggling and intimacy and hugs and holding hands and having his arm around me and even wrestling is all wonderful. During one of our better wrestling matches I actually flipped him off of the bed and he hurt his toe pretty badly on the wall. I would have felt bad if I had not felt so triumphant. We've mellowed a bit as we've gotten older but I still get quite a thrill from shoving him off of the bed unexpectedly.
Acts of service is another wonderful love language and one that I think I have developed more as I've gotten older and busier in mom life. When one of my kids actually does something to help out or is thoughtful or does anything to show appreciation, I am over the moon happy. I have a sister that this is definitely her love language and I learned quickly that when I'm at her house, I need to be helpful in the kitchen. I like having people talk to me while I cook because we're spending time together but she likes help with the task at hand so I have to be more aware and make the effort to speak her language.
Another love language is telling, or words of affirmation. It is always nice to hear an I love you, or any compliment. On Sunday I was asked to sub for our organist at church, to which I agreed, but then I had little time to practice. I used to be the organist so I thought I would be fine but I hadn't even played the piano in awhile and was rusty and it showed in my playing. I was sitting at the organ playing postlude music and thinking how terribly I had played and was feeling so frustrated with myself when a sister came up to me and thanked me for sharing my talent with our ward. She said she plays a mean chopsticks but really appreciated my willingness to play and bless everyone. I was so touched by her compliment and the timing of it. Maybe it was because I played less than perfect that she felt the need to reassure me or maybe she didn't even notice but those words of affirmation did my heart some serious good and I was so grateful for her taking the time to say them to me.
Lastly is the giving of gifts. Some people just really love receiving gifts as a token that someone was thinking of them and loves them. This one is not one I feel strongly about at all. I love surprises and thoughtful gifts but in general they don't make me feel super loved. I have some close friends who are this way though and one of them is always sending me random things that made her think of me. Just two days ago I got a calendar in the mail from her and every day is a holiday because she knows how much I love celebrating holidays. So sweet and thoughtful and since that his her love language, it is often how she reaches out and loves others.
I think it is so important to understand our spouse especially but our children, friends, and those we visit and take care of through our church service can feel greater love from us as we take the time to understand how they most feel and recognize it. No need to waste money on flowers if all your wife wants is for your to make dinner sometimes or instead of just telling him you love him, sit down and hold his hand while you watch a movie together. I love helping others feel loved and I'm so grateful when it comes back to me in return. Maybe that is part of why my dad picked my name but it is also something I'm always working on because if there is anything this world needs more of I think it is love.
Comments
Post a Comment