New Friend
Today I had a true "dancing with the daffodils" moment that I want to remember forever. I had an upsetting experience at church this afternoon and when I got home alone with four tired and hungry children who all seemed to be pestering me for something, I could barely hold my emotions together. I grabbed a tissue and ran upstairs and locked my door so I could cry alone. My eldest saw that I was upset and I could hear her immediately engage her younger siblings who were following me up the stairs. She played with them and I remained almost entirely uninterrupted in the 45 minutes or so it took me to compose myself.
When I did come down and start making dinner, she immediately came over and offered to help me. Once it was in the oven, I gave her a hug and thanked her for keeping her siblings busy and told her how much I appreciated her kindness. She asked if I was just stressed earlier and I told her that someone had really hurt my feelings and I was feeling badly about myself so that I had just needed time to pray for comfort and the ability to forgive. Now that she has gotten older and can understand more complex feelings and relationships I found it so comforting that I could talk to her as a friend and not just a little person who always needs something from me; that I could be honest and vulnerable with her. She responded with another tight squeeze.
Later we were waiting for the other kids to get ready for bed and had some rare alone time to just sit and talk about books and school and it was amazing. It was like talking to a friend and suddenly my daughter just seemed so grown up and I got a glimpse of all she has to offer me as a person. She is witty and thoughtful and incredibly aware of how other people are feeling, as well as being kind and silly and sweet. I was overwhelmed with love for her and her beautiful soul. I later went into my room and found this:
When I did come down and start making dinner, she immediately came over and offered to help me. Once it was in the oven, I gave her a hug and thanked her for keeping her siblings busy and told her how much I appreciated her kindness. She asked if I was just stressed earlier and I told her that someone had really hurt my feelings and I was feeling badly about myself so that I had just needed time to pray for comfort and the ability to forgive. Now that she has gotten older and can understand more complex feelings and relationships I found it so comforting that I could talk to her as a friend and not just a little person who always needs something from me; that I could be honest and vulnerable with her. She responded with another tight squeeze.
Later we were waiting for the other kids to get ready for bed and had some rare alone time to just sit and talk about books and school and it was amazing. It was like talking to a friend and suddenly my daughter just seemed so grown up and I got a glimpse of all she has to offer me as a person. She is witty and thoughtful and incredibly aware of how other people are feeling, as well as being kind and silly and sweet. I was overwhelmed with love for her and her beautiful soul. I later went into my room and found this:
While I wish today had been a better day, I'm grateful to have gotten to know my daughter in this new light. Sometimes I look at my kids and think of how much work I have to do as a parent, with so many things to do for them, teach and fix (will they ever actually hurry when I say it is time to leave?). But today I had the feeling that they are pretty amazing all on their own and I just hope that I, with all my faults and insecurities, won't get in their way.
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