Weight
Sorry for the 4-month hiatus. I've had lots of thoughts floating around my head and haven't taken the time to sit down and develop them. I've decided that I just need to write them down so I'm anticipating a few shorter, perhaps less refined posts over the next few days.
Starting off with one on weight. I put on a decent amount of weight with my first two pregnancies but nothing obscene and after the first two kids I used Weight Watchers and managed to lose the extra weight. That got me back to normal (thought not to my ideal) and I was feeling pretty good, especially because I knew I would be pregnant again. After kid number four, I was heavier than normal and then due to some hormonal changes with my body I put on 10 pounds in what felt like over night. At this point I was almost back to my pregnancy weight, which was way more than I really should weigh and I'll admit I was feeling pretty low about it.
I started exercising two or three times a week at a gym with a friend and was feeling really good about how I was taking care of my body. I didn't starve myself (which is how I feel when I am trying to cut back my eating) but I eat pretty healthy and while I could certainly cut back, I have only been successful monitoring my eating once and it was really difficult with minimal results. The exercising, however, had absolutely no affect on my weight and while I felt more muscular and fit, I was still chubby and it really bothered me.
Every morning I would get dressed and just think about how terrible I looked in everything and my goal was always to hide the belly fat. More than half my wardrobe was too tight or unwearable and I just tried not to think about how frustrated I really felt. I hadn't even realized how much it kept me down until just recently when I was finally able to let it go. I am still exercising and pretty much eating how I would like, but because I started on a medicine that corrects for a metabolic disorder I have, in a matter of the last six months I have lost all that hormonal and baby weight and I'm back to normal (still not ideal but I've been fighting that battle since I was 22). I feel emotionally lighter than I have in years and it is a wonderful thing.
I actually went shopping and bought new clothes for the first time in years; yes, literally years. I have cute new pants that actually fit me and shirts that I can wear without feeling like I have to suck it in all day. In one day last week three people in different situations told me that I looked thin or cute and I seriously can't remember the last time anyone told me either of those things. Part of me is trying to not feel too good with the positive attention because it really isn't about the way I look, but I will be honest and say that it feels good to finally feel normal and healthy and not hate getting dressed every day.
If I were a profound thinker then perhaps I would turn this into an essay on loving ourselves no matter what but since I didn't feel like myself, I don't think I have to love that version of me. Instead I am choosing to love being back to normal and in cute pants!
Starting off with one on weight. I put on a decent amount of weight with my first two pregnancies but nothing obscene and after the first two kids I used Weight Watchers and managed to lose the extra weight. That got me back to normal (thought not to my ideal) and I was feeling pretty good, especially because I knew I would be pregnant again. After kid number four, I was heavier than normal and then due to some hormonal changes with my body I put on 10 pounds in what felt like over night. At this point I was almost back to my pregnancy weight, which was way more than I really should weigh and I'll admit I was feeling pretty low about it.
I started exercising two or three times a week at a gym with a friend and was feeling really good about how I was taking care of my body. I didn't starve myself (which is how I feel when I am trying to cut back my eating) but I eat pretty healthy and while I could certainly cut back, I have only been successful monitoring my eating once and it was really difficult with minimal results. The exercising, however, had absolutely no affect on my weight and while I felt more muscular and fit, I was still chubby and it really bothered me.
Every morning I would get dressed and just think about how terrible I looked in everything and my goal was always to hide the belly fat. More than half my wardrobe was too tight or unwearable and I just tried not to think about how frustrated I really felt. I hadn't even realized how much it kept me down until just recently when I was finally able to let it go. I am still exercising and pretty much eating how I would like, but because I started on a medicine that corrects for a metabolic disorder I have, in a matter of the last six months I have lost all that hormonal and baby weight and I'm back to normal (still not ideal but I've been fighting that battle since I was 22). I feel emotionally lighter than I have in years and it is a wonderful thing.
I actually went shopping and bought new clothes for the first time in years; yes, literally years. I have cute new pants that actually fit me and shirts that I can wear without feeling like I have to suck it in all day. In one day last week three people in different situations told me that I looked thin or cute and I seriously can't remember the last time anyone told me either of those things. Part of me is trying to not feel too good with the positive attention because it really isn't about the way I look, but I will be honest and say that it feels good to finally feel normal and healthy and not hate getting dressed every day.
If I were a profound thinker then perhaps I would turn this into an essay on loving ourselves no matter what but since I didn't feel like myself, I don't think I have to love that version of me. Instead I am choosing to love being back to normal and in cute pants!
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