Teamwork
As I was watching my recorded Golden Globes last night, I was blown away by Ryan Gosling's speech after winning in the best actor category. He was gracious and thanked his co-stars and the director and mentioned how every actor stands on the shoulders of lots of wonderful people who help them achieve great performances. Then he thanked "my lady" (who is Eva Mendes). He said while he was off singing and dancing, she took on the responsibility of raising their daughter while she was pregnant with number two and also helping her brother in his battle with cancer. He said that if she hadn't been able to deal with all of that, that someone else would be standing on the stage right then.
I love this as a wonderful example of how a relationship, and especially a marriage, should be. Husband and wife have different roles and responsibilities and it is in doing our very best in our part that we help each other succeed. I certainly wouldn't have the ability to manage our household or take care of our family if my husband didn't get up at 4:30 a.m. every morning and go to work, nor would I be as good of a parent without him to help shoulder the responsibility. Without him, I'd have to bear the financial burden as well as everything else, which certainly means I wouldn't be able to do my very best with our home and children. It goes the other way too. Without me to take care of the children, mange the food planning and take care of our home, he'd be quite stressed.
Obviously people who are divorced or widowed have to deal with these kind of situations every day and make it work when necessary, but the ideal situation is divinely designed to help both a man and woman in a marriage to be their very best self and help each succeed in a way neither could do on their own. There have been times when I have had a more demanding responsibility at church and he had to step up on the family responsibilities to help me succeed at church. Or there have been times when work demanded a lot of his time and I held things together without seeing him much. Recently when I wanted to sing with choir for the Christmas program, which required six weeks of singing after church for an extra 45 minutes, he said of course. He knows I enjoy singing, especially Christmas music, so he made the effort to take our four exhausted kids home from afternoon church and get dinner started and rearrange his church responsibilities to support me. Simple perhaps, but it was profound to me. I know that whatever good thing I desire to do, he'll have my back and I know he feels the same way about me.
I've heard women say that they feel it is unfair sometimes that men get to go off and have adventures and they are stuck at home and while I can respect their feelings, I totally disagree. To me the family is the most important part of life and the greatest adventure there is to experience. I feel quite satisfied with my role as a stay-at-home mom or homemaker or whatever you want to call it. I love being in charge of my own schedule and being so available to my family, friends and others who might need my help. Not only do I love being here for my children, but I love providing that to my husband as well so that he can focus on his work and doing a good job there. I think that also allows him to be his best self at home too. Just like Ryan said, if his lady hadn't supported him in the way she did, he never could have done his best work.
Does that mean that because she's not winning a Golden Globe, she should feel slighted or that her contribution is insignificant? A journalist wrote a column that suggested Ryan's speech was sexist and why should Eva have had to "give up her career" in order to stay home and support him? There are many women who probably would agree but I think Ryan is pretty awesome for recognizing her the way he did and I think Eva is pretty awesome too.
Look at what she did. She was able to be there for her brother and especially because he lost his battle with cancer, I'm sure she is grateful for every moment she spent with him and the ability to have that time with him instead of being at some office or working at any job. She created a new life with unbounded potential and she also spent time nurturing her young daughter. These are not small things. They are often dismissed by the world but nothing is more challenging and more sacred and important than bringing a child into this world and then raising it into a wonderful human being. While she might have felt really good earning such a special award herself, I hope she recognizes what a significant contribution she made to her family and that she takes joy in it. Helping others to succeed is to me a success in of itself, but certainly a less appreciated one with fewer accolades and shiny golden globes.
I often think of how much my husband misses by being at work. There are millions of magical moments that only I get to see. There are certainly plenty of moments that I am stuck dealing with on my own during the day too, but the good always outweighs the challenges and I'm pretty sure I'm on the greatest adventure ever right now. Someday when my children are older and perhaps my responsibilities to them are fewer, maybe I will go and work for a travel magazine as I've dreamed of doing, or run a bed and breakfast by the beach, or start a Christmas tree farm. Or maybe I will dedicate my time to a non-profit organization, or volunteer in the schools, or find some other important way to spend my valuable time. For now I'm grateful that I'm in a marriage where we help each other be our best selves, whatever that may be; as a parent, an engineer, a disciple of Christ, as a spouse, a friend, a neighbor, as a member of our community, as a home designer, a cook, a drum player, as a writer or as anything we each are trying to become.
I love this as a wonderful example of how a relationship, and especially a marriage, should be. Husband and wife have different roles and responsibilities and it is in doing our very best in our part that we help each other succeed. I certainly wouldn't have the ability to manage our household or take care of our family if my husband didn't get up at 4:30 a.m. every morning and go to work, nor would I be as good of a parent without him to help shoulder the responsibility. Without him, I'd have to bear the financial burden as well as everything else, which certainly means I wouldn't be able to do my very best with our home and children. It goes the other way too. Without me to take care of the children, mange the food planning and take care of our home, he'd be quite stressed.
Obviously people who are divorced or widowed have to deal with these kind of situations every day and make it work when necessary, but the ideal situation is divinely designed to help both a man and woman in a marriage to be their very best self and help each succeed in a way neither could do on their own. There have been times when I have had a more demanding responsibility at church and he had to step up on the family responsibilities to help me succeed at church. Or there have been times when work demanded a lot of his time and I held things together without seeing him much. Recently when I wanted to sing with choir for the Christmas program, which required six weeks of singing after church for an extra 45 minutes, he said of course. He knows I enjoy singing, especially Christmas music, so he made the effort to take our four exhausted kids home from afternoon church and get dinner started and rearrange his church responsibilities to support me. Simple perhaps, but it was profound to me. I know that whatever good thing I desire to do, he'll have my back and I know he feels the same way about me.
I've heard women say that they feel it is unfair sometimes that men get to go off and have adventures and they are stuck at home and while I can respect their feelings, I totally disagree. To me the family is the most important part of life and the greatest adventure there is to experience. I feel quite satisfied with my role as a stay-at-home mom or homemaker or whatever you want to call it. I love being in charge of my own schedule and being so available to my family, friends and others who might need my help. Not only do I love being here for my children, but I love providing that to my husband as well so that he can focus on his work and doing a good job there. I think that also allows him to be his best self at home too. Just like Ryan said, if his lady hadn't supported him in the way she did, he never could have done his best work.
Does that mean that because she's not winning a Golden Globe, she should feel slighted or that her contribution is insignificant? A journalist wrote a column that suggested Ryan's speech was sexist and why should Eva have had to "give up her career" in order to stay home and support him? There are many women who probably would agree but I think Ryan is pretty awesome for recognizing her the way he did and I think Eva is pretty awesome too.
Look at what she did. She was able to be there for her brother and especially because he lost his battle with cancer, I'm sure she is grateful for every moment she spent with him and the ability to have that time with him instead of being at some office or working at any job. She created a new life with unbounded potential and she also spent time nurturing her young daughter. These are not small things. They are often dismissed by the world but nothing is more challenging and more sacred and important than bringing a child into this world and then raising it into a wonderful human being. While she might have felt really good earning such a special award herself, I hope she recognizes what a significant contribution she made to her family and that she takes joy in it. Helping others to succeed is to me a success in of itself, but certainly a less appreciated one with fewer accolades and shiny golden globes.
I often think of how much my husband misses by being at work. There are millions of magical moments that only I get to see. There are certainly plenty of moments that I am stuck dealing with on my own during the day too, but the good always outweighs the challenges and I'm pretty sure I'm on the greatest adventure ever right now. Someday when my children are older and perhaps my responsibilities to them are fewer, maybe I will go and work for a travel magazine as I've dreamed of doing, or run a bed and breakfast by the beach, or start a Christmas tree farm. Or maybe I will dedicate my time to a non-profit organization, or volunteer in the schools, or find some other important way to spend my valuable time. For now I'm grateful that I'm in a marriage where we help each other be our best selves, whatever that may be; as a parent, an engineer, a disciple of Christ, as a spouse, a friend, a neighbor, as a member of our community, as a home designer, a cook, a drum player, as a writer or as anything we each are trying to become.
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