Happiness
I recently read The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin for my book club. It is not my usual type of read but I was pleasantly surprised by how much I enjoyed it. I appreciated how she used real examples and stories to illustrate how she was trying to accomplish her goal of being happier.
It has prompted me to think about my own happiness. Like she said in the beginning of her book, I also have a great life and am very happy. I'm healthy, I have a loving and healthy marriage, I get to spend my time raising four wonderful little people whom I love very much and I live in a beautiful, peaceful, comfortable place. But could I be happier? Can't we all? I would certainly be happier if I lost 20 pounds and didn't feel fat in just about every shirt I wore. Even more so I'd be happier if I had the self-discipline to exercise and eat better to make that happen. I think I would be happier if I talked more kindly to my children. I'd probably be happier if I spent more of my time reaching out and helping other people. It would be easier to be happy if my three-year-old wouldn't pee on the carpet even though she's potty trained. But I probably wouldn't be all that happy if life were perfect either because I would never be challenged or given the chance to recognize happiness if it was a constant state.
Still, I think the author makes a good point that it is worthy of our time to explore what we can do to be happier and to make specific efforts to be so. She identified 12 categories and then four or five specific things to work on in each of those categories, which include showing up for friends, to stop nagging her husband, to go off the path, to give something up and to keep a food diary . I've come up with four major categories of my own.
Physically: Exercise is the big one for me here. I know it will make be feel better and I do actually enjoy most exercising (except running). But I have little kids who sleep all afternoon so my morning time is already so precious that I can barely get my grocery shopping done. It is a scheduling problem mainly but also the what to do is a big problem. Do I do my elliptical machine, do I join the gym and drag my kids there a few times a week, do I just go for walks, I'd love to take bike rides but mine is broken and my husband has taken over a year to fix it, do I swim laps or just run up and down my stairs lots of times? I need to find something that I enjoy and that I can be consistent with and that has yet to happen. Or let's be honest, I haven't tried to hard to make anything happen here but I really need to do something soon. I know that even if I don't lose weight, I will be happier knowing that I am healthier and doing my best to take care of my body.
Emotionally: I will definitely be happier and feel better about myself if I could be a better parent. I get angry and sarcastic and have very little patience when my kids fight. Gretchen Rubin spent a month working on her parenting and her suggestions were to sing in the morning, to acknowledge the reality of their feelings and to be a treasure house of happy memories, or in general to lighten up. I feel the same way. I feel like I need to laugh more, let my kids work their own stuff out, ignore things, and just be a more fun parent. The other night my son was throwing a ball at his dad and playing around and normally I would just ignore them and finish the dishes but I got in there, stole the ball and got them both. I could tell it made my son happy. I am more fun in my marriage relationship because I feel more like me when it is just the two of us, but I struggle to be a fun parent and not feel like if I let up this one time then all heck will break loose. Or that it will create unwelcome consequences.
Socially: We recently moved into a new neighborhood and I'm not very comfortable here yet. I really miss my old neighbors and how there were people right next door that I could borrow eggs from when I ran out. Yesterday I needed a stick of butter and got really sad because I didn't think there was a single person around me that might lend me a stick of butter. So, I am going to make neighbor friends. I am going to host a BBQ or pancake breakfast or something to get these people out and over here and talking to me. I'm so terrible at making introductions and so quickly I feel like an idiot in these kind of situations but I am going to do it. I need to feel at home in my own neighborhood.
Mentally: I am going to make more time for doing the things I really enjoy and that make me feel capable. I hardly get time to practice the piano and often when I do sit down I have at least one kid on the bench next to me or on my lap. I think creating a 20-minute block every morning where I can just sit down and play while they have to leave me alone will be good for everyone. I think it will also set a good example for my daughter, who is learning to play. It stretches my brain, my memory and it is good for me to work at something other than cleaning and parenting. I also go to my book club once a month, which I love, because it makes me read different books and challenges me to think about them in ways that I can discuss with friends. I would like to write more often on my blog. The creative process and thinking about what to write and an interesting way in which to write it is a good mental challenge for me that I enjoy.
I am better with short term goals and feeling successful then motivates me to keep going so with four main categories of resolutions, I am going to take a month and work on one of these each week. I truly believe that self-mastery is an important part of being happy. It doesn't always mean we are happy during the process but it will lead us to real happiness. The happier we are, the more other people around us will be happy too. It might take some effort but identifying ways where we can improve ourselves and our happiness is an important first step. To quote Ms. Rubin, "I am happy, but I'm not as happy as I should be. I have such a good life, I want to appreciate it more and live up to it better." So, here we go!
It has prompted me to think about my own happiness. Like she said in the beginning of her book, I also have a great life and am very happy. I'm healthy, I have a loving and healthy marriage, I get to spend my time raising four wonderful little people whom I love very much and I live in a beautiful, peaceful, comfortable place. But could I be happier? Can't we all? I would certainly be happier if I lost 20 pounds and didn't feel fat in just about every shirt I wore. Even more so I'd be happier if I had the self-discipline to exercise and eat better to make that happen. I think I would be happier if I talked more kindly to my children. I'd probably be happier if I spent more of my time reaching out and helping other people. It would be easier to be happy if my three-year-old wouldn't pee on the carpet even though she's potty trained. But I probably wouldn't be all that happy if life were perfect either because I would never be challenged or given the chance to recognize happiness if it was a constant state.
Still, I think the author makes a good point that it is worthy of our time to explore what we can do to be happier and to make specific efforts to be so. She identified 12 categories and then four or five specific things to work on in each of those categories, which include showing up for friends, to stop nagging her husband, to go off the path, to give something up and to keep a food diary . I've come up with four major categories of my own.
Physically: Exercise is the big one for me here. I know it will make be feel better and I do actually enjoy most exercising (except running). But I have little kids who sleep all afternoon so my morning time is already so precious that I can barely get my grocery shopping done. It is a scheduling problem mainly but also the what to do is a big problem. Do I do my elliptical machine, do I join the gym and drag my kids there a few times a week, do I just go for walks, I'd love to take bike rides but mine is broken and my husband has taken over a year to fix it, do I swim laps or just run up and down my stairs lots of times? I need to find something that I enjoy and that I can be consistent with and that has yet to happen. Or let's be honest, I haven't tried to hard to make anything happen here but I really need to do something soon. I know that even if I don't lose weight, I will be happier knowing that I am healthier and doing my best to take care of my body.
Emotionally: I will definitely be happier and feel better about myself if I could be a better parent. I get angry and sarcastic and have very little patience when my kids fight. Gretchen Rubin spent a month working on her parenting and her suggestions were to sing in the morning, to acknowledge the reality of their feelings and to be a treasure house of happy memories, or in general to lighten up. I feel the same way. I feel like I need to laugh more, let my kids work their own stuff out, ignore things, and just be a more fun parent. The other night my son was throwing a ball at his dad and playing around and normally I would just ignore them and finish the dishes but I got in there, stole the ball and got them both. I could tell it made my son happy. I am more fun in my marriage relationship because I feel more like me when it is just the two of us, but I struggle to be a fun parent and not feel like if I let up this one time then all heck will break loose. Or that it will create unwelcome consequences.
Socially: We recently moved into a new neighborhood and I'm not very comfortable here yet. I really miss my old neighbors and how there were people right next door that I could borrow eggs from when I ran out. Yesterday I needed a stick of butter and got really sad because I didn't think there was a single person around me that might lend me a stick of butter. So, I am going to make neighbor friends. I am going to host a BBQ or pancake breakfast or something to get these people out and over here and talking to me. I'm so terrible at making introductions and so quickly I feel like an idiot in these kind of situations but I am going to do it. I need to feel at home in my own neighborhood.
Mentally: I am going to make more time for doing the things I really enjoy and that make me feel capable. I hardly get time to practice the piano and often when I do sit down I have at least one kid on the bench next to me or on my lap. I think creating a 20-minute block every morning where I can just sit down and play while they have to leave me alone will be good for everyone. I think it will also set a good example for my daughter, who is learning to play. It stretches my brain, my memory and it is good for me to work at something other than cleaning and parenting. I also go to my book club once a month, which I love, because it makes me read different books and challenges me to think about them in ways that I can discuss with friends. I would like to write more often on my blog. The creative process and thinking about what to write and an interesting way in which to write it is a good mental challenge for me that I enjoy.
I am better with short term goals and feeling successful then motivates me to keep going so with four main categories of resolutions, I am going to take a month and work on one of these each week. I truly believe that self-mastery is an important part of being happy. It doesn't always mean we are happy during the process but it will lead us to real happiness. The happier we are, the more other people around us will be happy too. It might take some effort but identifying ways where we can improve ourselves and our happiness is an important first step. To quote Ms. Rubin, "I am happy, but I'm not as happy as I should be. I have such a good life, I want to appreciate it more and live up to it better." So, here we go!
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