Rain vs Sunshine

I am feeling pretty sorry for myself. My husband is out of town. My daughter has been sick for four days which included fevers, coughing, throwing up because she was coughing so hard and then the dreaded pink eye. My baby also had a fever and wouldn't let me put him down for two days.  Now he has pink eye. I hate pink eye! It is the worst sickness to have in the house because you have to go to the doctor for it (something I try to avoid) and it spreads so easily, especially when a baby has it who doesn't understand why I freak out whenever he touches his eye. I haven't left the house all week except to go to the doctor. My three-year-old has been particularly whiny and demanding this week and I'm pretty sure she hasn't said a single sentence that didn't start with "I want" or if I was asking her to do something, "I don't want".  To top it all off, I have this dreaded feeling that I am pregnant, which I don't particularly want to be. I thought I was done having children and was really, really happy to move on from that phase of life. But I don't know for sure because I can't even leave the house to go get a pregnancy test. So I just feel ill and stressed and overwhelmed and trapped. I missed out on a great church meeting that I really wanted to go to and today I am stuck at home while my friends are having a great day together at a special birthday playgroup for one of my daughter's best friends. Plus it has rained and been cloudy for two weeks, making it impossible to go outside and play or walk or get some fresh air, and two of my best friends moved in the last few weeks so it feels lonely and empty without them in the neighborhood anymore.

In an effort to overcome all of these sad and pitiful feelings, I am going to try and be grateful and list good things in my life, which I know are plentiful but my vision is a bit clouded right now, quite literally. I am grateful my baby is finally learning to walk so that I won't have to carry him everywhere anymore. My husband will be home late tonight and even though he is working tomorrow, at least I will see him when I wake up and can get a hug. He loves me and will help me to feel better and it will be good to share the responsibility of parenting again. My mother-in-law sent me beautiful flowers and balloons for the kids, with which they've had fun playing. My daughter was able to go back to school today, although I really did enjoy having her around. There are only 21 days of school left. My son has been really good this week. I have a nice house to hang around in. The kids and I cleaned out my husband's car and he is going to be really happy about it when he gets back. I am supposed to go strawberry picking with my friends on Monday so hopefully that will work out.  I've watched all of season 4 of Friends in just three nights. I've also been reading a lot of the Book of Mormon with the rest of our congregation because our goal is to read the whole thing by the end of June and that has helped me feel better.  There is still a chance I might not actually be pregnant. I  have cute and wonderful kids and I love them. I had a relaxing Mother's Day so at least I started the week off well. Pink eye does go away eventually; none of us have anything life-threatening. I live in a safe and beautiful place. I have lots of love in my life. My kids go to a good school and love to read. I love to read and have a good book I'm reading now. I haven't been to the grocery store in awhile but my kids love breakfast food so as long as the eggs, flour and syrup holds out, we're good. I have felt peace when I've prayed and asked for it.

I'm feeling better. The blessings seriously outweigh my challenges and it feels good to have reset the scales. It can't rain forever, right?


Update: I have since been able to make it out for a walk because it is just cloudy, not pouring, so yeah! Then I was able to run to Target and get a test and hooray that it was negative. Phew! My baby now has pink eye in both eyes and screams when I try to put the drops in but the rain helps us appreciate the sunshine, which is in the forecast for Sunday. Yipppee!