Quiet

I’ve had a terrible week socially.  I have said way more than I should have, made people cry, complained, was too open about my feelings, caused contention, been unkind and basically made it difficult for anyone to be around me and all unintentionally.  

This is partly why I am an introvert, something I forgot this week.  The less you interact with people, the less you have to deal with conflict, drama and other people disliking you.  I am currently reading “Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Won’t Be Quiet” and it has been wonderful to identify key parts of my character, most especially understanding what it means to be risk averse.  Extroverts tend to seek rewards while introverts tend to be averse to situations where there is a risk for a negative consequence.  This is a foundational characteristic of my personality and it is refreshing to know I am not the only one who does all I can to avoid trouble.  It can be good in cases of gambling or other risky behaviors because introverts tend to have a warning system that gets them to stop while extroverts are so excited for the reward, they keep going in its anticipation.  

It is easier to keep your mouth shut to avoid negativity than say what you actually think or feel in hopes of the reward of being understood or sometimes even acknowledged.  This has been a life motto for me, until becoming a mother.  I think this is what got me into trouble this week.   As a mom, I’m not going to get in trouble and while my kids might call me out if I’m speaking unkindly to them, I’m still the authority figure.  I suppose the power has gone to my head and made me forget that in talking with friends, working with people at church and even when I’m really upset with poor customer service, I will have less regret in my life if I just keep quiet.

But then I must ask, is this fair to introverts that they are always staying quiet or apologizing for their behavior to avoid negativity while the extroverts dominate?  I’ve been called a stick-in-the-mud for not enjoying camping and hiking and chose not to respond, although the accusation still bothers me.  Now that I think about it, I should have calmly said that a person is allowed to have different likes and dislikes.  Just because I don’t have any desire to sleep outside, go skiing or scuba diving (serious risk aversion here!) doesn’t mean I’m not fun.  I may need time to recover after attending a big social event or may even avoid going if it means a lot of chit chat (so exhausting!) but that doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy being around people and having good discussion with people I know and like.  

Maybe there are times when it is good to speak up and say what you need to say, as kindly as possible, even if the consequences may be negative. For the most part though, there is just too much talking in the world and this introvert has been reminded of the power of quiet.