What Kids Need

My four-year-old son recently finished his first t-ball season.  He had a handful of practices, seven or eight four-inning games and he really enjoyed practicing at home with his dad after using all of his money to buy a tee and a metal bat.  He had fun, enjoyed a great experience with some very kind coaches and he learned a bit about baseball and teamwork, all satisfactory results of the $60 spent and the time we dedicated as a family to having him at his practices and games.  

At the end of the season his coaches provided a pizza party and said they would hand out trophies to the kids if parents were willing to purchase them.  I said yes to pizza and no thanks to the trophy, which I did for a couple of reasons. First, I don’t like clutter and my kids have a lot of stuff.  Why in the world do we need another hunk of metal to sit on a dresser?  Secondly, I didn’t want to spend $10 on said hunk of metal.  Thirdly, I didn’t feel that participating in a sport where there was no score kept and everyone was just there to learn really warranted a trophy.  He did a good job listening to his coaches and always paying attention to the ball and I told him so after every game.  Did he really need a trophy to celebrate that accomplishment?  

Then comes the pizza party.  The game right beforehand was rained out so instead of going as a family, my husband took my son and I stayed home with baby girl so she could nap.  My son came home very happy with this awesome helium star balloon tied to a sparkly weight telling me how he was the only one who got this trophy.  I looked at my husband for explanation and the story was that we were the ONLY parents who said no thanks to the trophy.  The coaches were nice enough to still get him a balloon but instead of attaching it to the trophy, it was just held down by a pretty weight.  Our son was called up first and while he noticed the discrepancy, he almost felt even more special because his was different and unique.  

I couldn’t believe that I was the only one on a team of 12 kids that didn’t think a trophy was necessary.  I know I can be cheap and I definitely value time and experiences more than things but it made me take a step back and wonder if I was off base here.  Shouldn’t a good time, learning a new skill, having good experiences with teammates and coaches and just the joy of playing a fun game be enough of a reward?   Obviously the other parents didn’t think so and it made me thoughtful about what it is that our kids need or deserve.

A friend recently told me how frustrating it can be sometimes when her husband comes home from work feeling pretty awesome because of what he’s accomplished or been able to do that day when as a stay-at-home mom, her list of accomplishments for the day doesn’t seem too awesome.  Is changing diapers, preparing meals, cleaning the home and being there for your children awesome?  It may not always feel that way but it is my belief that it is not only awesome but exactly what kids need.  

They don’t need trophies or any more trinkets telling them that they did a good job, they need a kind parent who is there for them, telling them to their face that the child did a good job.  Children need safety, kindness, a warm home that is filled with love, food to eat, clothes to wear, an education, opportunities to work and help others, peace, and cleanliness.  A loving family who values children and treats them with respect and care is the best gift parents can give to their children.

I recently read a book about an orphan and her very difficult childhood where she was lonely, physically abused, completely unappreciated as a human being, used for labor, and often cold, hungry and dirty.  It helped open up my eyes to just how awesome my kids’ lives are in that I give them my time every day, good food to eat, I take them to the doctor when they’re sick, they have comfortable beds and warm clothes to wear and they can go to school to learn and read.  They are safe and healthy and loved.  This is what a child deserves.  Everything else is a bonus and sometimes even detrimental when excessive and unappreciated.

The group of parents whose children were on my son’s t-ball team were all supportive and at the games and certainly seem to love their kids.  From my limited perspective they’re already doing exactly what their kids need or deserve and giving trophies for hitting a ball and running around the bases without any opposition or scorekeeping is not necessary.  Especially at this time of year when there is pressure to give our kids a lot of material gifts, how about we all adjust our perspective of what defines a good parent and what our kids actually need. Let’s make a list of all we’ve done for our families today and if our kids are fed, clean, happy, safe, healthy, and feeling loved, then let’s tell ourselves we had an awesome day.