Relationships

I've been thinking a lot lately about relationships. I attended a marriage seminar and came out of it feeling pretty good. I don't say this to be boastful but of all the relationships in my life, my relationship with my spouse is the easiest and best. We communicate well, he is a fantastic listener, we have fun together, we are honest and open and tease each other and are good at working through differences of opinion. Even before we got married I knew I could tell him anything and he would allow me those feelings and help me work through them. He is kind, respectful and understanding and just an all around fantastic man, so it is easy being married to him.

Sometimes I struggle with my parent/child relationship. My children aren't always as nice to me as my husband is, nor as respectful, nor did I choose to spend my life with them in the same way. I adore my children and do my best to raise them well, but there are plenty of times I don't like my children and don't want to be around them. They demand so much from me and sometimes that overwhelms my introverted nature. It is serious work to develop a relationship with four different little people where they love me, will always want to talk to me, will choose to obey me and what I've taught them, will be nice to others and not get me in trouble with other parents, and where they will feel some sort of appreciation for all I do for them without me being a push over or too mean or too controlling or too stressed all of the time. I worry how things will change as they get bigger and my influence over them grows smaller. This is a challenging relationship for me to work out and hopefully my children will benefit from me apologizing to them on a regular basis because I messed something up. I suppose they are learning about relationships right along with me so we both need to be patient with each other.

I'm writing this paragraph now for the fifth time because every other one sounded like a therapy session but I'll just say that family relationships are some of the most challenging, I think because they are some of the most important. My relationships with my sisters and parents are constantly evolving and since I see them only every so often, they are also some of the relationships that are easiest to ignore when they aren't what they should be or to under appreciate when they are wonderful.

Friendships have always been very important to me. I was always the one who was nervous to go anywhere new or try something different unless I had a good friend with me. With a good friend by my side, I am much braver and outgoing and confident. My closest friends all have a few things in common. First, they are good listeners. I can trust them with my feelings and also to forgive me for making mistakes. I tend to worry a lot about what I say and how it is taken (which can make me very insecure and quiet) so I need people around me who won't hold grudges or hold those mistakes against me or who will at least be honest and tell me when I've hurt them so I can apologize. Second, they are trustworthy. I have a hard time being very open with people who are blabbers. Third, they are open with me. I don't like having one-sided relationships so the people I love the most are the ones who trust me the most with their thoughts and feelings. It connects us and makes me feel like it is okay for me to share that stuff too. Lastly, they are fun and we can laugh together, and it sure helps if they can appreciate good food because I do love it so.

Successful relationships are the ones where you can be yourself while trying to be your better self. When people love you and encourage you and help you without being demeaning. When you can be open and talk about anything and everything and forgiveness is given freely. They're fun, uplifting and supportive. Sometimes we can choose with whom we want to develop a relationship and sometimes we have to do the best with one that is forced upon us. Usually the not-so-great relationships tend to fall out of our lives if we let them so that we can keep our hearts open for those that want in.

I'm grateful for the many wonderful relationships I have in my life because it can be difficult to foster and maintain meaningful relationships so they are incredibly valuable to me. I hope you know, friend, how much I appreciate you.