What I wish I had said on Sunday

Please tell me that I'm not the only one who often comes home from [insert any social event here] feeling uneasy about something that I said.  Call it insecurity, call it self-centeredness, call it what you will, but I often stew and worry and think over and over again about what I said in a public setting and how it will affect what people think of me or even just feel the frustration of not having actually made the point I wanted to make. This is why I am a writer.  I can read something over and over again before anyone else reads it and I can make sure it is saying exactly what I want to say before I announce those feelings or thoughts to anyone else.

But I digress.  I was at church on Sunday and we were having a fabulous lesson on tithing during our Relief Society (the women's organization) meeting.  I had read the lesson beforehand and discussed it with my husband and parents who were visiting, so I had already given some thought to this topic.  When I raised my hand to make a comment though suddenly my brain stopped communicating to my mouth.   When it closed again, my face turned bright red and immediately my sensors were going crazy with "that was dumb, you didn't say it right, everyone is going to think you're a snob" and for a good part of the afternoon I was thinking about how I would have liked to have said my comment.

Then I remembered, hey, I've got a blog that at least 15 wonderful people read so whether you attend my church or not, I am going to share with you what I wish I'd said on Sunday.  First, a quick explanation of tithing.  I believe that God gave the commandment as stated in Malachi that we are to pay a tithing of all of our increase to the Lord.  Modern revelation helps us understand that the Lord expects us to pay 10 percent of our income.  At the end of every year we get to meet with the bishop (or leader of our congregation) to declare to him if we are full-tithe payers or not.  Since we as a church membership just did this, our timely lesson was on tithing and it was mostly a discussion of the wonderful blessings that come as we are obedient to this commandment.

(here is a link to the text that was used for our lesson:  http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2013/10/the-windows-of-heaven?lang=eng)

To be honest, I pay this money without really even thinking about it.  It has become such a habit to me that as soon as I sit down to do the bills, the first thing I do is write out a tithing check.  I am lucky that I have never been tempted not to pay this and I know that my family has been greatly helped, both financially and spiritually, as we've shown the Lord our faith and trust in him by paying what he asks.  However, since I pay it somewhat thoughtlessly and mechanically, I probably overlook a lot of those blessings, even though I know they are real and abundant and after this lesson I committed to paying more attention.  My comment in Relief Society was along these lines.  What I wish I would have said goes something like this. 

In a recent General Conference, our prophet and president of the church, President Monson, invited us members to consider donating to the general missionary fund of the church.  (The number of missionaries is steadily increasing since the age when one could serve a mission was lowered last year and there are many missionaries who can't always afford to go and are supported by the church.)  Josh and I talked about this invitation and decided to accept it and over the past few months we've made a donation to this fund.  I have immediately noticed blessings as a result and know that as the Lord is so generous with us, he appreciates when we are generous back and give to those in need.  Then he continues to bless us generously in return.  So while I tend to overlook the blessings of regularly paying tithing, it has been easy to notice them as we've made an extra effort to be generous in either giving an increased fast offering (which goes those struggling or in need right in our area) or to general funds of the church.  For example, Josh was promoted and received a raise even during a challenging time in the government and while he was sequestered over the summer, he was given the opportunity to work overtime in the fall and made up almost all of the lost income.  We also feel a greater connection to the missionaries and have been more aware of opportunities to share the goodness of the gospel with others.

It didn't come out of my mouth as you've just read and even now, I wonder why I felt the need to share this thought, but I did.  But now at least it was stated somewhat eloquently and clearly and hopefully is a simple testimony of the blessings of being obedient to both a commandment of the Lord and an invitation from his prophet.  I love the law of tithing and know that there have been  many times in our married life that it was only the goodness of the Lord that we were able to meet all of our financial obligations.  It is a test of faith and when we show our faith, the windows of heaven are opened up and there is not room to receive the blessings that flow.  I have felt it in my life and know this doctrine to be true.

As a bonus, I'll share a story my dad told me of when he was a bishop of our local congregation back when I was really little.  He told me that an elderly widow came in with some cash, put it on the table and told him that either she could pay her tithing or she could eat that week and she asked my dad what she should do.  He felt impressed to tell her to pay her tithing.  In reality he could have told her that he would take care of whatever food needs she had using the funds of the church but he felt impressed not to offer that assistance.  The woman looked at him and said okay then walked out the door having left the money on his desk for tithing.  Over the course of the week several events happened in her life that greatly improved her living and financial situation.  It didn't take long for the Lord to bless her after witnessing her great faith.