Perfection
Last week in the women's class at church, we discussed a wonderful talk by one of our church leaders that had to do with becoming perfect...eventually. This struggle is one I am constantly fighting because my inclination is to do it well or not at all. I hate making mistakes or coming up short. I know that is a common feeling but it has been a challenge for me since I can remember.
When I danced on pointe, which was a dream come true, I was so afraid of falling and making a huge mistake that I tended to dance timidly and my movements were small. I wish now that I had put my whole heart into dancing instead of not falling. I struggle playing the piano in front of other people because I get so nervous about making a mistake and the one time I tried sewing it was a nightmare because I could not get the corners to line up just right and the whole quilt was just full of bent corners and other imperfections that made me crazy.
With enough time and practice it seems that I should be able to eliminate these errors and do something perfectly but the more I watch the Olympics, the more I realize that isn't true either. Those athletes spend countless hours practicing and yet some still fall down while figure skating and some bobble on their snowboard and fall down. Perfection seems to be something that might happen in a moment but it is not in our nature to do things perfectly and even years of practicing doesn't guarantee you can do it just right when necessary.
This isn't just true in tasks either but in how we behave. My friend shared a wonderful story where she was at an aquarium on a Saturday with her little girls and a woman behind them was not happy about their behavior. My friend said she thought about turning around and saying something but was held back because she was going to be receiving a big responsibility in church the next day and didn't want to give anyone a reason not to support her. I applaud her for being disciplined and making such a good choice and would hope that I would do the same, but the older I get the more I feel it is impossible to be so good all of the time.
I try, I really do, but I still raise my voice at my kids every once in awhile and I say stupid things to my friends and hurt their feelings and I'm snarky with my husband and I get frustrated when no one puts anything away. I know I am not alone in this and that we all wish we could behave nicely and perfectly all of the time but that just isn't the way it goes. I have decided that God knows this and I always appreciate it when my friends and family know that in general, I am a good person and if they see behavior that is out of the ordinary, they allow me to apologize and they forgive me. What a wonderful gift it is to not to tied down to our mistakes and imperfections. It is a blessing to be surrounded by people who support and love us as we grow instead of condemning or being unkind when we make mistakes. There is only one thing that we can do perfectly and I think that is repenting, or feeling sorry for what we've done and trying to do better.
One Olympian said that after making a huge mistake that lost her a gold medal a few years ago that the most important lesson she learned was how to forgive herself and move on. If we constantly harp on the bad thing we did, we are actually stealing away our opportunity to move forward and do it better next time because we're still so focused in the past. We shouldn't put ourselves in a box of shame that prohibits our progress.
I do believe that someday we will be made perfect in Christ, that all of our effort here to try will be enough to have changed us into people worthy to receive his grace and mercy and a perfect, resurrected body. But for the here and now, instead of feeling down for all that I do imperfectly (which is everything except knowing when avocados are ripe and ready to eat) I am going to try and see those mistakes as opportunities to learn and do better. It seems that eventually I'll get better at those things that are difficult for me to do and that will be a wonderful feeling. So please don't expect me to be perfect but I promise to be perfect in my effort to move forward imperfectly.
When I danced on pointe, which was a dream come true, I was so afraid of falling and making a huge mistake that I tended to dance timidly and my movements were small. I wish now that I had put my whole heart into dancing instead of not falling. I struggle playing the piano in front of other people because I get so nervous about making a mistake and the one time I tried sewing it was a nightmare because I could not get the corners to line up just right and the whole quilt was just full of bent corners and other imperfections that made me crazy.
With enough time and practice it seems that I should be able to eliminate these errors and do something perfectly but the more I watch the Olympics, the more I realize that isn't true either. Those athletes spend countless hours practicing and yet some still fall down while figure skating and some bobble on their snowboard and fall down. Perfection seems to be something that might happen in a moment but it is not in our nature to do things perfectly and even years of practicing doesn't guarantee you can do it just right when necessary.
This isn't just true in tasks either but in how we behave. My friend shared a wonderful story where she was at an aquarium on a Saturday with her little girls and a woman behind them was not happy about their behavior. My friend said she thought about turning around and saying something but was held back because she was going to be receiving a big responsibility in church the next day and didn't want to give anyone a reason not to support her. I applaud her for being disciplined and making such a good choice and would hope that I would do the same, but the older I get the more I feel it is impossible to be so good all of the time.
I try, I really do, but I still raise my voice at my kids every once in awhile and I say stupid things to my friends and hurt their feelings and I'm snarky with my husband and I get frustrated when no one puts anything away. I know I am not alone in this and that we all wish we could behave nicely and perfectly all of the time but that just isn't the way it goes. I have decided that God knows this and I always appreciate it when my friends and family know that in general, I am a good person and if they see behavior that is out of the ordinary, they allow me to apologize and they forgive me. What a wonderful gift it is to not to tied down to our mistakes and imperfections. It is a blessing to be surrounded by people who support and love us as we grow instead of condemning or being unkind when we make mistakes. There is only one thing that we can do perfectly and I think that is repenting, or feeling sorry for what we've done and trying to do better.
One Olympian said that after making a huge mistake that lost her a gold medal a few years ago that the most important lesson she learned was how to forgive herself and move on. If we constantly harp on the bad thing we did, we are actually stealing away our opportunity to move forward and do it better next time because we're still so focused in the past. We shouldn't put ourselves in a box of shame that prohibits our progress.
I do believe that someday we will be made perfect in Christ, that all of our effort here to try will be enough to have changed us into people worthy to receive his grace and mercy and a perfect, resurrected body. But for the here and now, instead of feeling down for all that I do imperfectly (which is everything except knowing when avocados are ripe and ready to eat) I am going to try and see those mistakes as opportunities to learn and do better. It seems that eventually I'll get better at those things that are difficult for me to do and that will be a wonderful feeling. So please don't expect me to be perfect but I promise to be perfect in my effort to move forward imperfectly.
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