Dancing with Daffodils

My precious first baby turned eight today. I remember her birth so well with all of the newness of if written on my heart and body. I woke up at 5am to go to the bathroom and felt a little gush so I called the doctor and she said to come in. I took a shower and got to the hospital at 6am. I remember when they finished breaking my water for me and what a strange sensation that was, and how relaxed I was because I had an epidural. I was so numb though that even my fingers were tingling and it completely freaked me out so I had them dial the medicine down. My husband was reading the Reader's Digest to me but I was so tired and struggled to stay awake and listen (even though later I found out he was trying to help me go to sleep). Because I was so numb, it was really hard to push and it took about 2 hours before the doctor threatened to suction my baby out. A quick two pushes later, she was out at 2:04 p.m. on a beautiful summer Sunday afternoon, She needed some immediate attention...

This week was #2 in my happiness challenge and I focused on increasing my emotional happiness through better parenting. It was a great week. I didn't raise my voice, I limited my sarcasm, and I tried to be more fun and easy going when my kids were being challenging. On the first day when my three-year-old spilled her full bowl of cereal all over the floor, I sang to her to get a towel and clean it up instead of my usual, are ya kidding me? In fact, singing helped a lot in the beginning of the week. I sang to my children when they were fighting and I sang to them when I was super annoyed for various reasons. The best was when my three-year-old sang back to me in a very operatic voice telling me she would sit nicely at the table. I laughed out loud and that was a wonderfully fun moment that I appreciated. I feel like I'm constantly correcting my kids. Eat over your plate. Be nice. Don't scare your little sister. Give that back. Stop whacking him with the blanket. Try that...

It has been a busy summer but this week I tackled my goal of being happier by challenging myself mentally. Every day I took at least 20 minutes to myself for this goal, which was no easy task. I only missed one day of practicing the piano and it was so enjoyable to have that much time to just play. While I practiced all types of music, I decided to especially focus on re-learning Rachmaninoff's fifth piano concerto. It was my senior recital piece and I'll admit I barely made it through the song back then. I love it though and can mostly play it so I'm hoping that in a few weeks of concentrated effort that I'll be able to sit down and play it all the way through again. I also spent time reading a fiction book about WWII that took place in Hungary. I know very little about Hungary so while it was kind of depressing, it was informative and an interesting read. I also broke out my Norton Anthology from when I went on study abroad to London and read through some John Milto...

I recently read The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin for my book club. It is not my usual type of read but I was pleasantly surprised by how much I enjoyed it. I appreciated how she used real examples and stories to illustrate how she was trying to accomplish her goal of being happier. It has prompted me to think about my own happiness. Like she said in the beginning of her book, I also have a great life and am very happy. I'm healthy, I have a loving and healthy marriage, I get to spend my time raising four wonderful little people whom I love very much and I live in a beautiful, peaceful, comfortable place. But could I be happier? Can't we all?  I would certainly be happier if I lost 20 pounds and didn't feel fat in just about every shirt I wore. Even more so I'd be happier if I had the self-discipline to exercise and eat better to make that happen. I think I would be happier if I talked more kindly to my children. I'd probably be happier if I spent more of my...

I've been thinking a lot lately about relationships. I attended a marriage seminar and came out of it feeling pretty good. I don't say this to be boastful but of all the relationships in my life, my relationship with my spouse is the easiest and best. We communicate well, he is a fantastic listener, we have fun together, we are honest and open and tease each other and are good at working through differences of opinion. Even before we got married I knew I could tell him anything and he would allow me those feelings and help me work through them. He is kind, respectful and understanding and just an all around fantastic man, so it is easy being married to him. Sometimes I struggle with my parent/child relationship. My children aren't always as nice to me as my husband is, nor as respectful, nor did I choose to spend my life with them in the same way. I adore my children and do my best to raise them well, but there are plenty of times I don't like my children and don'...

I am feeling pretty sorry for myself. My husband is out of town. My daughter has been sick for four days which included fevers, coughing, throwing up because she was coughing so hard and then the dreaded pink eye. My baby also had a fever and wouldn't let me put him down for two days.  Now he has pink eye. I hate pink eye! It is the worst sickness to have in the house because you have to go to the doctor for it (something I try to avoid) and it spreads so easily, especially when a baby has it who doesn't understand why I freak out whenever he touches his eye. I haven't left the house all week except to go to the doctor. My three-year-old has been particularly whiny and demanding this week and I'm pretty sure she hasn't said a single sentence that didn't start with "I want" or if I was asking her to do something, "I don't want".  To top it all off, I have this dreaded feeling that I am pregnant, which I don't particularly want to be. I...

Thirteen years ago today I woke up so nervous and excited. Three of my favorite friends helped me with my makeup and hair and then my fiance came and picked me up and we all went to the Palmyra New York temple together. I went in and put on my wedding dress and walked into a room where my family and some of my closest friends were waiting. My fiance and I knelt down at an alter and made sacred promises to each other and to God and we were sealed together as a family unit for time and all eternity. Mirrors behind each of us reflected our images countless times, symbolizing the eternal nature of our marriage and future family. It was the most beautiful moment of my life. We walked out of the temple as husband and wife to greet more family and friends. All of my sisters wore purple dresses and there were yellow flowers on all of the tables. I carried a bouquet of yellow roses. We took a bunch of pictures (once the photographer finally showed up) and then headed to a local church for a s...